I am Doctor Mario and I am saving lives
I look different in this game,
(I lost the hat, got a coat, doctor's light, stethoscope)
I am Doctor Mario and I prescribe high fives
Laughter's the best medicine so BAH-HAH-HAH you fell down.

In the Mushroom Kingdom, I'm the finest doc by far
I got my degree by watching House and Scrubs and E.R.
Brightly colored pills! They'll cure all your ills!
Just as long as you've got fever or the chills

Take off your pants... good, now let's see...
turn your head and cough...
okay, now do me.
Please?

Does it hurt to pee? (No.)
Is it hard to see? (No.)
I am diagnosing you with HPV (Oh.)

You've got mononucleosis, halitosis, scoliosis, fifteen days is my prognosis
You need red and blue pill doses!
You've got scabies and phlebitis, chronic rabies, hepatitis,
You'll be brave and you'll unite us (then you'll die of menengitis)
Wait wait--I'm wrong--you have... crabs.

Brightly colored pills! They'll cure all your ills!
Just as long as you've got fever or the chills!
Take it Floss!
(Piano solo by a handsome bald man)
Dr. Mario!